"Mama snuggles"
September 3rd 2018, I took a pregnancy test. The rest is history, but let me share a portion of my story with you!
Before I begin, here are a few things you should know about me. So let's skip back 25 years.
I have always wanted to be a mother. And when I say always, I mean it.
I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn't love babies and pregnancy! In daycare as a 3-4 year old, I used to sneak off to the baby room to watch the educators take care of the babies.
I'm a sister to my two younger brothers, I was 6 and 8 years old when they were born. Perhaps that encouraged my passion for babies and pregnancy since it was a very impressionable time in my life. My mother did an amazing job at making me feel included and involved in the whole process of welcoming new babies into our lives.
My first job was being a babysitter! I dabbled in other fields but I always came back to working with babies and children. During my 5 years of university, I worked at a daycare and then as a nanny for a few families. I loved it! I finally graduated as an elementary school teacher, big surprise, right? Even now, I dream of continuing to evolve my career path in the future. I am considering becoming a doula and maybe even a lactation consultant!
Back to September 3rd 2018, when I took that pregnancy test, WOW! I was overjoyed and determined to love every moment of my pregnancy. That meant despite the body aches, constant heartburn and rib kicks,
I wanted to appreciate this miracle of life that was growing inside of me.
I met with a doctor and midwife to compare and see what path was right for me. After visiting both, including the birth rooms, I knew that going with a midwife was the best decision for me. I loved the connection I felt with my midwife, it was just what I needed! And the birth rooms were so peaceful and cozy.
I wanted to document the arrival of my sweet baby through birth photography. I did a lot of research and stumbled upon Mariane Parent's page! I absolutely loved her photography style and we set up a time to meet to discuss the birth. I explained that I wanted intimate moments captured, and that I didn't mind my breasts or buttom being photographed. However, during the end of my active labour, I asked that she remain above with a more conservative view from my head area and not from my feet.
I was 38 weeks pregnant when I started leaking amniotic fluid. April 26th, at around 3pm, the midwives helped my body naturally induce and start my labour process. I went into this whole experience with a positive mindset. I was trying to stay calm and find my zen. I had my labour playlist and dimmed lighting. I had texted Mariane to let her know that the day had arrived!
At 10pm I was 4cm dilated. Active labour had begun. At this time, I was feeling a bit groggy from the natural hormones being released in my body. We asked my mom to come. However, I was having doubts about whether I still wanted to have Mariane present. My husband was in communication with her awaiting my decision. Finally, we decided to have her come, as I did not want to regret my decision later.
I trusted my past-self’s judgement and future-self’s appreciation in wanting these unique moments captured.
It was midnight, my mom and Mariane had both arrived, I was exhausted already. In my sleepy state, I agreed, it was okay for Mariane to come in and photograph us.
She was so discrete, all in black crouched down along the side of the room, my husband now describes her as a photography ninja.
Honestly, had I not known she was there, I probably would not have even noticed! Mariane was incredibly respectful of my wishes and very professional.
It was now 4am. No sign of baby yet. My contractions had gone from 2 minutes apart to 5 minutes apart. This was not good news. I followed the midwives suggestions and tried various positions to push in an attempt to help my contractions accelerate naturally again. Unfortunately, we had reached the point when it was recommended that I be transferred to the hospital to be medically induced with oxytocin. I was definitely disappointed by this because it was not what I originally wanted or envisioned, but I knew it was the right decision for us. I trusted the midwives who had also consulted with the OBGYN at the nearby hospital. Though the baby and I were in good health, we traveled to the hospital in style by ambulance.
We arrived at the hospital at 7:30am. I was beyond exhausted. I needed help to hold my body up. The doctor wanted me to hold my legs as I laid down and pushed, but I physically did not have the strength to do so as my body was flooded with hormones and I had been pushing since 2am. For the next hour and a half, with every contraction, the nurse held my right leg, the midwife held my left leg and my husband held my hand. It was the most intense experience of my life.
At 9:01am, my sweet baby finally blessed us with her presence. The nurse placed her on me and I held her as my body continued to tremble. Mariane stayed for a few minutes to capture our first moments together, then she slipped out of the room.
I struggled with some PTSD from my birth experience, which leads me to another thing I love about Mariane. She is so human, thoughtful and down to earth. When the photos were ready to be shared with us, she took the extra step to ask me how I felt and if I was ready to see the photos, knowing that sometimes it can be difficult to look through when you’re still in your postpartum recovery. I appreciate her kindness in taking that extra step to make sure my mental health was in a good place.
Looking through the photos with my husband was awesome! I was able to relive those moments that Mariane skillfully captured. I believe that it helped me to work through my PTSD. I shared my photos with my mother, closest friends and family.
April 27th 2021, Elena turned 2 years old. I decided to share the photos with her. This was an amazing experience. Elena was able to see my pregnant belly, the work that went into birthing her, as well as our very first snuggle. It was lovely to see her reaction to the retelling of her birth. She repeated the sequence of events with excitement.
« I asked her what she liked best about the story and she said “Mama snuggles”. My heart melted all over again. »
I’m beyond grateful for Mariane’s beautiful work, as well as her patience and kindness. I’m happy we decided to document this experience and that we can revisit these moments years later as a family. It’s the most special blessing.
Amanda Julia Rylander